The Play's The Thing by WilliamEP

Rating: PG
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 20/12/2004
Last Updated: 24/12/2004
Status: Completed

Harry has a surprise for his friends... and a special one in store for one Hermione Granger.
Update - NEW and Unplanned Epilogue!!




1. The Play's The Thing
-----------------------



**Title** - *The Play's The Thing*

**Author** - William Evans Potter

**Spoilers** - *Books 1-5*

**Summary** - **DO** **NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ BOOK FIVE**!! (On the off
chance that you have not yet managed to snare your own copy) *It was the end of the second
Wizarding war, and as our heroes returned triumphant, Harry had remained withdrawn since that time.
However, he has a shocking surprise for everyone.*

Rating - PG for Language (perhaps one swear word or two)

Author's Note: *Hello everyone. I'm so sorry about all the delay between my last one
shot and this one, but as you all know, real life can be real troublesome. So I've taken some
time off just to finish up this little bunny for you all. Enjoy*!

Disclaimer: All the Harry Potter characters belong to J. K. Rowling, a giant among writers. The
character of Gordon Devereaux belongs to the story “The Time of Their Life” by Amynoelle and
Heaven, and the idea behind the villain in the play comes from a story on The Snitch forums called
“Night of the Living Fan Fictions,” authored by someone who I can't remember right now. Any
help giving me the person's name so I can give proper credit would be greatly appreciated. In
otherwords, I only own the plot.

~~~~

Hermione Granger was really worried. This had become nothing new for her; in fact, it was second
nature to be worried. But that was back during the war, when Voldemort was still alive and the
wizarding world was preparing for the worst. But then Harry showed strength of character and
resolve as he faced down the most evil and vile wizard of the modern era and took him down.

Harry Potter. *Her* Harry Potter.

Everyone who knew about it teased her incessantly about the not-so-secret crush she had for
Harry since, since… she couldn't even remember how long she had this crush at this point, it
had permeated every single cell of her body, all her electrons and neurons were completely focused
towards Harry. When he would step into a room, her eyes lit up. When he gave that boyish, charming
smile her stomach would flutter, knees weaken, and heartbeat quicken. But the problem was that both
were exceedingly rare instances these days.

Since the end of the war, Harry had become somewhat of a recluse. He didn't shut anyone out
of his life, nor did he even stop appearing in public. But he became withdrawn, secretive, always
working on this “special project” of his. Hermione always gave him her full support, but what was
odd was when he asked to borrow a book on Shakespeare. It was peculiar, but nevertheless, whatever
Harry had wanted to use was his as far as she was concerned. Besides, she could never refuse him
when he looked at her with those deep pools of emerald that she thought of as windows to his soul.
So she couldn't imagine what surprise would be in store for her when she came home one evening
after a long day at the Ministry delivering yet another report on some newly developed charm. She
was about to sink into her favorite chair and relax, but found herself on someone else's body
instead. She jumped up, wand out quickly to find herself looking into the amused, twinkling eyes of
emerald she had come to love.

“Bloody fucking hell Harry!”

This only served to amuse him further, with a questioning look in his eyes.

“The bookworm? A swearer? Didn't know you had it in you Hermione.”

“Well after hanging around the two of you all my developmental life, it shouldn't surprise
you.”

Harry gave a small chuckle, lighting up Hermione's heart. “Well, that is true. We did
thoroughly corrupt you.”

Hermione slowly put her wand away as she looked back at Harry. He was wearing a casual white
t-shirt as well as a pair of blue jeans, but neither did anything to detract from his handsomeness
in her opinion; as a matter of fact, it did the exact opposite, making him appear, well…
scrumptious. Had she not been looking him over, she would have seen him doing the exact same thing.
She herself had on her typical work robes normally, but underneath she also liked to wear a nice
looking shirt and a pair of nice black slacks to go with them. She knew there were a few people
that turned their heads when she walked, but her eyes were solely for Harry. She looked him back in
the face with a curious glance.

“So what are you doing here?”

Harry held out her book, a smile on his face. “I came to return this. It was a big help, let me
assure you.”

“Really? On what?”

“Well, you'll just have to see soon. It's taken me a little while to work on, but trust
me, the entire wizarding world will hear about it and love it.” Harry once again gave her that
amused, bright smile that lit up the entire world around him, and all she could do was simply nod
her head with a smile as he brought her out of her house. She looked at him, confused.

“What are you doing?”

“Well seeing how I haven't been out in a while, I figured on going out to eat and would like
you to come along with me.” Hermione smiled at this, but then felt a yawn come on that she simply
couldn't stifle. Harry looked at her, and then smiled, leading her back to the couch in her
den.

“No, I'll be fine Harry…” Hermione said with a weak voice, trying to get up, but Harry
gently lay her back down on the couch as he started away for a moment.

“Don't move. I'll bring you something.”

Hermione lay back and relax, hearing the sounds of pans clanking, dishes being pulled out, water
running, then the other various sounds of Harry cooking something. Slightly curious, she would have
lifted her head to look at Harry's work, but realized that she had just put in a counter just
above her couch so as to allow her guests to place their food behind them and not be disturbed by
continually holding it. So sighing, she laid back and enjoyed the aromatic smells wafting in the
air towards her, her eyes closed as she let a small moan escape her. Within a few minutes, Harry
came back out, carrying two plates of what looked like the most delicious chicken parmesan, as well
as having in two behind him two glasses of her favorite wine and a small lidded tray. She felt the
small trickle start to form at her mouth and gave Harry a heartfelt smile.

“Oh you don't know how much I've missed home-cooked meals!”

“I can imagine, especially since I'm talking to the girl who made the Easy Bake Oven a
difficult task,” Harry said with a chuckle. Hermione gave him a mock glare.

“I'll have you know that that particular Oven was faulty!”

“And the four after that?” Hermione just bowed her head low before looking back up with a
smile.

“Alright, so I was never great in the kitchen.” Satisfied, Harry had the rest of the dishes
start to set down in front of the two, the wine glasses right next to each other.

“I hope one day you will be able to tell me how to do wand less magic Harry,” Hermione said,
eyeing him with a look Harry could remember all too well in school - the look that said she was
looking forward to dissecting a new specimen.

“Trust me Hermione; when I'VE learned how to master it completely, you'll be the first
to know.” Satisfied, the two ate in silence. They made a silent toast to each other with the wine
before Harry lifted the tray to reveal Hermione's favorite desert - a strawberry cheesecake.
After they finished it, Harry simply waved his hands to clean the dishes and set them back where he
found them before getting up.

“I'm going to run now Hermione, but I've got something… two weeks from now. A special
event that I think you might like. Would you like to go?”

Overjoyed in her heart, Hermione smiled at him deeply, her ears almost turning red.

“I'd love to Harry.” Harry beamed at her, which almost caused a blush to tinge at her
cheeks.

“Great. Meet me at the burrow two weeks from Friday.” And with that, he exited her apartment
with a pop and left her feeling giddy and exited at the prospect of another evening with Harry. She
went immediately to her fireplace to floo Ginny the good news.

~~~~

On the morning of her appointed date with Harry, Hermione found herself giddy; in fact, she
actually heard herself giggle, twice. She couldn't believe she would actually be going out with
Harry Potter, even if she was unsure about what kind of date this would be. She found herself
looking through her wardrobe for what to wear, even going so far as to take the day off so that she
could get herself made up at a salon. At first she was opposed to this, as it was Ginny's
salon, and to be frank she never really had the same type of taste that Hermione had, but Hermione
had acquiesced when she saw the lady work with some of the most unmanageable hair that Hermione had
seen, almost as bad as her own hair once was. Now of course in her older years it had softened
slightly, and the bushy hair was more curly that busy, flowing down to the small of her back. For
tonight though, the lady had it straightened in such a way that when Hermione looked at it, she
knew exactly what type of dress she would wear, especially how fitting it would look on this
occasion.

When she arrived at the Burrow, she was greeted by the site of all the Weasleys - yes, even
Percy - decked out in their nice clothes while she had on her plain wear with a bag in her hand.
She told them she was going to go upstairs to get changed in her outfit so that the floo
wouldn't affect it and just as she reached the bathroom heard the telltale pop of Apparation
and everyone's voice to greet Harry. She smiled when she thought of what she was going to look
like. After a few minutes of applying last minute makeup and another few to get her dress on,
Hermione greeted everyone, and inwardly smiled at the dropped open mouth of Harry, staring at her
precisely the way she hoped he would.

It had taken a few waves and swishes to adjust it, but she managed to pull out her old Yule Ball
dress, and made it look a bit more updated, remembering the night that Harry couldn't take his
eyes off her. It was with a smile that Harry took her and the rest of the Weasleys along. When they
asked about the location, Harry simply said “It's a surprise.” He handed them all his own
portkey as they all grabbed. Moments later they all had appeared in what looked like the backstage
of a theatre with a throng of actors and actresses. One of them Hermione recognized from the
Wizarding magazines as new sensation Gordon Devereaux. He really was making waves as a great actor.
She looked at Harry curiously, as did all the Weasleys.

“Harry, what's going on here?” Harry smiled at them and simply took them with him as they
went to the box seats area, waving off other people with a sign that read “Reserved - Harry Potter
and co.” and was banishing away everyone else. Harry tapped the sign with the wand and identified
himself as it disappeared and the rest filed in, the balcony expanding along with the party
members. Finally, after taking their seats, they saw menus appear beside them. When they placed
their orders, they looked down and saw the theatre jam packed. Finally, music began to play,
typical of the American Broadway style fanfare opening. Then someone came up and began the
introduction.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to welcome you tonight. The play you are about to see
is a first hand account of the final battle in the last grizzly war we just faced, but with a twist
- this play comes to us from the eyes of Harry Potter himself, and is going to be a comedy. We hope
you all will enjoy this.”

Everyone cheered and the rest of the Weasleys as well as Hermione had even looked on at Harry
and clapped along as well. Harry simply shrunk into his seat, his cheeks and ears the same red
color as the Weasley's hair.

“A play?! Oh Harry, how wonderful!” Hermione exclaimed, coming over and hugging him. She settled
back into her seat as the lights went low.

The night was a total blast in her opinion, and play was very well written for a comedy. The
wizards and witches alike were rolling in their seats with laughter, even at the sight of Lord
Volda-Prima-Donna, played by Gordon Devereaux. The highlight had to be the sight of him, along with
“Lucius and Bellatrix,” doing their version of the number “I've Put a Spell on You,” by Bette
Midler from the movie “Hocus Pocus.” After the show was done and the lights came back up, everyone
was cheering raucously, and when the spotlight shined on Harry, the audience was even louder.
Hermione couldn't have been more proud. But when Harry waved at the stage, the two actors who
played Harry and Hermione came out, smiling.

“While this was the end of our play, we do have one final bit that Mr. Potter himself asked us
to do in private, and he hopes you all will enjoy this.”

As he said that, Harry turned to Hermione with a smile, while the actor on stage did a final
bit.

“Hermione?”

“Yes?”

“There's something I've wanted to tell you. Something I've not told you since the
end of our fifth year.”

“What is it?”

“You see, that night, at the Ministry, I felt something I never felt before, and while it was
combined with my fear, it was something there as well.”

“What?”

“Love. I felt love for you Hermione. I - if you had died that night, I would never have been
able to make it here.” At this the real Hermione gasped, looking on at Harry with shock.

“Wh- what are you trying to say Harry?”

“I'm saying Hermione I love you.” And with that, the real Harry leaned in and kissed
Hermione, a gentle kiss filled with nothing but love. After he was done, Harry looked at her
nervously, to which Hermione responded by pulling him in for a harder kiss as the crowd cheered on
and the rest of the cast came out as well to join them. When they pulled away, Hermione hugged
Harry with tears in her eyes from all the happiness she felt.

“You don't know how long I've waited for this.” Harry grinned at her.

“I might have an idea or two.” They just laughed before they kissed again.

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Please R/R!!

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2. Surprise Epilogue
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Author's Note: *You know, feeling a bit generous, I've decided to give you all a
surprise epilogue not intended to be put originally with the one-shot. So here you all go.*

Disclaimer (meaning `get me out of trouble so I won't pay money'): The characters
mentioned in this story are not of my creation. Harry Potter and co. belong to the creative
mastermind that we know as J. K. Rowling. Gordon Devereaux is the property of Amynoelle and
Heaven's story “Time of Their Life,” and Lord Volda-Prima-Dona is a created character out of
the Snitch's fanfiction story “Night of the Living Fanfic.” Only the plot belongs to me.

----

*The Play That Killed by Lavender Brown*

*Having myself been a member of the final battle at the ground of Hogwarts, I was at first
surprised to see someone make a play about the said event. Even more surprising was the fact that
the play was written by former classmate and house-mate, Harry Potter, known to many of you as
The-Boy-Who-Lived and The-Wizard-Who-Killed-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (man, you people need to call
him by his real name, because all those dashes really look annoying). But I have to say, that after
watching the production with Laurence Oliver as Harry and hunky import Gordon Devereaux as the
hilarious Lord Voldemort (wow, bet you never thought you'd see the word hilarious in front of
his name, did you?), Harry masterfully put together something for the wizarding world to use as a
catharsis.*

*We started off with the “Golden Trio,” as Harry refers to them, preparing for the last week
of school before Graduation. I myself will never forget the night they disappeared.* *As the
three were sitting around in the common room, listening to the noise and hustle of all the other
years nervously pacing about to find out their test results, the three were simply laying on our
plush sofa, lounging back even though I could tell they were discussing something serious. Suddenly
a hand shot out of the fire, grabbed Hermione,* *and* *the three held to each other
before she disappeared. We later learned that the hand was a complicated enchanted hand that was
sent via floo powder to act as a portkey.*

*From here, Harry takes things for an interesting ride. For example, when they arrive, they
are greeted by a shocked Lucius and Bellatrix, played by Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson
respectively. The two were in the middle of changing for something according to the orders from
Voldemort, when the Trio arrived inside their dressing room. You might think that Death Eaters
would torture the Trio using Unforgivables, but not in Harry's play. No, they were tortured by
off-key singing of show-tunes and an apparent “strip tease” by Lucius, which would more than likely
have been the most horrible thing to see, had not Voldemort appeared.*

*In this rare performance side of Mr. Devereaux, we saw him as Voldemort acting like a silly
and swarthy girl, even telling off Bellatrix for having a larger mirror than him and Lucius for
having too much glitter to distract his spotlight. Of course, Harry does add a touch of realism
when he has Voldemort “kill” one of the critics of his performance. Then Harry uses Voldemort,
Lucius, and Bellatrix to sing the song “I Put A Spell On You” from the muggle film* Hocus Pocus,
*eventually ending Voldemort by criticizing him so harshly along with the trio that he turns into
dust along with the other followers. All in all, there aren't words to describe how utterly
hilarious and enjoyable this was. However, the real treat was for us women in the audience after
the play had ended.*

*Harry - showing a side of his charm that no one had seen in Hogwarts - had his characters of
Harry and Hermione do a skit where Harry confesses his feelings for Hermione, and in the process
the real Harry kissed Hermione in front of everyone. I for one would like to wish the couple on a
happy and well deserved relationship.*

*This has been Lavender Brown, and I'm off to collect my money from Ron.*

“Ronald Bilius Weasley!”

Ron flinched the next afternoon, hearing the sound of an *extremely* irritated and annoyed
Hermione coming down the stairs, a copy of the Daily Prophet in her hands. He tucked his head in so
low that his neck wasn't visible. Meanwhile, with Hermione came Harry in tow, an amused look on
his face.

“You, you… you bet on my love life?!” Ron just held his hands up in the air.

“Not exactly Hermione… you see, we had a bet going on at school started by Lavender, where
everyone was betting as to when you two would hook up.” After this, Ron started to stand a little
straighter as he put on a stern appearance. “And quite frankly, you disappointed me.”

“*Me*, disappoint *you*?”

“Yeah. You know, I did everything in my power to try and hook you two up before the end of
seventh year, and yet for some reason you two were stubborn and persistent enough to not listen to
me.” Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but Harry quickly swooped in and kissed her, in the
process grabbing her as she was falling back. After a long few moments, Harry brought her back up,
looking smug while she was disoriented.

“Well um, that is to say… next time, er…” Harry just laughed.

“I think she's trying to tell you thank you in her own way.” Hermione simply nodded mutely.
Taking her along with him, Harry walked outside the Burrow as he planned to take her with him for a
talk. They ended up simply walking around until Harry reached Stoatshead Hill, where they had once
gathered to head to the Quidditch World Cup. Harry sat down with his back to the tree, Hermione in
front of him. He hugged her from behind before she turned around to face him.

“So Harry, um, when did you first…” “Have feelings?” She nodded.

“It's hard to say when it began. I mean, it certainly had it's foundations in your help
during the Triwizard Tournament, it had its cementing when I thought I had lost you in fifth year,
but it's hard to really pinpoint a moment when I started loving you.” She nodded for a moment,
her head underneath his as she lay on top of his chest. She thought for a moment, then raised
herself up to look at him.

“What about the whole issue of losing my friendship?” Harry thought for a moment and replied
hesitantly “Well… I had put you through worse than dating me, so I figured if you would stand with
me even when I was a prat, you would stand with me if things didn't work out.” She had a look
of mirth in her eyes as she looked at him.

“Oh really? So you just assumed I would be there as your friend Mr. Potter if I had ever had my
heart broken by you?” Harry looked like a deer in headlights with his eyes wide open, and she just
smiled at him. She patted his cheek and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

“Don't worry. I don't think you could have ever broken my heart.” Harry looked relieved
before he continued to hold her in an embrace. Looking tentative for a moment, Harry asked her “So…
what did you think of the play?” Hermione looked at him with a smile.

“It had the best `Happily Ever After' for me.”

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